Mike gets BURNED
by edwardenthusiest
Summary: In this story Mike works at McDonalds and Renesmee goes to get a sundae there. All resulting in Jessica beating the crap out of him. Short funny read. Finally Mike gets what's coming to him.


_**A/N This is nothing like my other story. This is just a small story I wrote to laugh at Mike's pain. I wrote this as a birthday present for my sister because I was too lazy to get her one and she is also obsessed with Twilight(Who isn't) So, Happy birthday Becca!**__**J**__** Hope you guys enjoy it!**_

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**_

_Bella's P.O.V._

Renesmee looked about four now so we were trying to get her to eat human food so that

she could go to preschool when it started this spring even though she had the intelligence of

about a 20 year old we still thought it would be good for her so we thought _Why not? _We were

practically begging her to eat anything so, when she said she wanted a sundae I immediately took

her to McDonalds. We got into the Guardian, that Edward had insisted we kept on the behalf of

Renesmee's safety. Which didn't bother me because it was much more conservative than the

crimson Ferrari that always put the driver in the spotlight, which was just not for me

When we pulled up in front of the McDonalds I flitted over to Renesmee's side and was

there in the blink of an eye making her giggle sounding like a melodious choir with chiming bells. I

gazed down at her beautiful face that looked so much like Edward's and, the smile placed there

brought one to mine to think that I had such a beautiful daughter and husband that I could stay

young with forever.

I scooped her up in my arms causing another round of beautiful laughter and headed into

the large door that I would have struggled to open less than a year ago but, now had to force

myself not to tear from the hinges. Momentarily after arriving in front of the counter Renesmee

scrunched up her little nose in a disgusted grimace covering it with her tiny hand.

"Mommy my nose." she whispered frantically to me. I inhaled and coughed getting the full

brunt of a smell that made werewolves smell like roses. I stopped breathing instantly. That smell

was so pungent that if ever there were something to kill a vampire that might be it. The figure that

the smell was coming off of in such concentrated amounts was a very pock marked Mike. I

barked out a single laugh at the way he looked to me through my new eyes.

Mike turned to me and gave me the once over practically drooling with his eyes popping

out of the sockets. Vulgar humans. Trying not to think of what was going on in his head I

snapped getting his attention. His head snapped up and he looked at me dazed. "Can I have a

chocolate sundae?" I asked sharply using the last of my decontaminated air.

"You can have anything you want." he said while wagging his eyebrows suggestively.

"My _daughter_ just wants a sundae." I said glaring daggers at him while readjusting

Renesmee on my hip.

"Aw, she's so cute." He said with fake sincerity holding out a hand to her like she was

some kind of animal. She cringed into my side and whimpered lightly. I turned her so that Mike

wouldn't be able to reach her and he then asked me if I was married.

"Yes I am married to her father so, if you wouldn't mind I would like to get home to him

before he gets worried."

"Ooo, he sounds controlling you should be with someone more laid back. Someone like-"

I cut him off knowing where he was heading. "Yeah I'm sure I'd rather be with someone

who flirts with married women that also has a child, _with her, _smells worse than rotten fish and,

can't even do their job at _McDonalds _correctly!" I yelled in his face leaving his jaw wide

opened. "Now, shut you're fat mouth and GO GET MY DAUGHTER HER SUNDAE!!" I screeched

getting louder with every word. He turned and stumbled over his feet shaking with fear going to a

machine and filling it with a slimy white substance that smelt too sweet and topped it with some

type of brown liquid. It took me half of a second to realize that it was the ice cream and that I had

once taken pleasure in eating that repulsive concoction.

In one lithe motion I set the money on the table and grabbed the sundae that he refused

to let go of. Anger washed over me then and I squeezed the cup causing it to break and drip down

my pale arm. "I'm sorry." he said "Let me make it up to yo-"

"NO!" I roared in his face, "I am sick of you treating me like this Mike! I'm calling Jessica!"

"_H -how did you know I was dating Jessica?" he spluttered._

I flicked the ice cream in his face and flipped open my phone_. "Because, _she is the only

person who would date you." the phone rang twice before she answered, "Hi Jessica this is _Bella."_

Mike's jaw dropped when I said this but, I continued, "I just thought you would like to know that

Mike is relentlessly flirting with a woman that has a _child _no matter how many times she has said

that she is _married_." As soon as I was finished she began an endless stream of profanities and

death threats all directed towards Mike. I could hear a car accelerate in the background and

glanced at Mike to find him quivering with fear. If it were anyone but _him _I would have felt bad for

him but, this was Mike we were talking about.

Jessica got there faster than I would have thought humanly possible and as soon as she

charged into the door she turned to glare at Mike. She stomped towards him and jumped over the

counter dragging him by his collar towards the grease fryers. He let out a shrill scream just before

it gurgled off. She had dunked his head in the grease and then pulled him out throwing him to the

floor. He began crying and begging for her to stop as he grabbed his tomato red face. She

advanced on him again and began kicking him while he was down and began to beat him

senseless. Tearing my eyes from this extremely hilarious scene I peered down at Renesmee to

find her laughing just as hard as I was.

"Come on let's go home." I said ignoring her protests. "I don't want you to see just how fun

it can be to kill a human." the car ride home was filled with hysterical laughter as Renesmee

replayed the whole thing over and over again for me. As soon as we stepped out of the car

Edward and Jacob ran up to us and looked down at us curiously.

"What's so funny." they asked in unison looking down at themselves to see if we were

laughing at them. This just brought on another spasm of laughter and rather than explaining

Renesmee grabbed both of their hands and showed them the whole thing. They began to roll on

the ground laughing when Edward quickly shot up.

"Do you think we can catch the end of it?" he asked frantically looking at Jacob.

"Maybe, if we hurry." and with that they darted into the trees. _At least they finally have _

_something in common._ I thought while still smiling. Renesmee and I made our way into the house

and both sat on the couch eating cheese popcorn all through the night while watching Mike get

beaten to a pulp. Wait vampires don't eat. Oh well cheese popcorn just tastes so good. I popped

another handful into my mouth while watching Mike cry in a corner. _Maybe Jessica and I should _

_become better friends._ I thought while eating my new favorite food and watching my new favorite

movie.

_**A/N PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!!!!! Sorry if this was a complete waste of your time but I just wanted to have a laugh at Mike's expense. I know that cheese popcorn thing could never happen but that is basically all I eat. (and no I am not some obese person who is on the computer all day I am a size 3)**_


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